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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24370699">now that i have it</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Leutik/pseuds/Leutik'>Leutik</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, F/F, Therapy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 00:21:36</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>18,269</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24370699</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Leutik/pseuds/Leutik</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Horde Prime is defeated, there are no more enemies in Etheria, nothing to fear. Everything should be calm and peaceful at this point, right?<br/>Well, it’s when there’s nothing left to do that relationship problems blossom.<br/><br/>or: after season 5 Catra and Adora go on couple therapy.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Adora/Catra (She-Ra), Netossa/Spinnerella (She-Ra), Perfuma/Scorpia (She-Ra)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>124</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. unbelievable</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>this is my first fic and english is my second language so all corrections are appreciated.<br/>(after that amazing finale i felt like i couldn't sit on my hands, i had to give something back)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>The Super Friends Squad was laying down on the grass, and everyone seemed happy.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Still something was scratching the pit of Adora’s stomach, something very feeble for her to pick up: she was still inebriated by the kiss, by Catra’s presence, and on top of all, by the win.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It wasn’t as if winning was more important than Catra, it’s just that… She has lost hope, sort of, for </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span>. She never gave up on Catra as a person, never gave up on her good side, but too much time passed for Adora to hope that Catra would like her back, like that.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But it happened, and maybe she still quite couldn’t believe it. Maybe she still justified Catra. After all, she was She-Ra: the one who saved Etheria.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Well, not the only one, but. She was undeniably the one who risked the most, right?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And that’s why maybe Catra got caught in the moment and kissed her. Maybe she felt like she had to. Maybe it was because she rescued her from Horde Prime’s ship. Was she repaying her? Most importantly, was she aware she might not like her?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Adora started falling into that spiral of thinking. She was convincing herself Catra didn’t actually feel anything for her, if not gratitude, and she was confusing that for love.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She got up. The rest of the Squad looked at her, « Where are you going? » Asked Bow.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« Checking up on everyone. » Adora answered, half a smile for reassurance. She had to talk to Catra at some point. Winning over the bad guy and winning the girl was too much. She had to expect it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>In the meantime she would have done her duty, helping rebuild the cities, taking part in the Princesses Alliance, fight over small crime.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>« How come you look so sad. We’ve literally won the final battle. » It was Scorpia, who was helping to clear the main road from debris.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Adora wanted to learn her secret, how she was always so positive.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« I’ve heard about you and Perfuma, you know. Congratulations. »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She turned red, not aware of how Adora had avoided the question.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« Uhm, well, yes, thank you, » She stuttered, evoking a laugh from Adora.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was a good question though. Why was she so sad?</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>« Are you alright? » Asked then Mermista, a few hours later, working side to side to reassess the dam.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« Why does everyone keep asking? »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« I’d put two and two together… »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Adora rolled her eyes. She was that much of an open book, huh.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« So? »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« Don't beat a dead horse. »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« So there’s something. »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« There’s not. »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« What could have possibly happened in these five minutes? »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Adora left.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>« Why aren’t you downstairs with the rest of us? »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>This time it was Glimmer. It was around dinner time, and all the princesses were still in Brightmoon for everyone to dine together.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« I made a room be prepared for you and Catra. »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« For tonight? »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« For as long as you want. »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Adora smiled.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« What’s up? I can tell there’s something going on. »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They were on Adora’s balcony, looking at the landscape.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« Can’t you relax for five minutes? You’ve literally nothing left to worry about. »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« Still. »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« Can I do something about it? »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« I don’t think so. I just need to talk to… »</span>
  <span><br/>
</span>
  <span>« Catra, isn’t it? »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Adora nodded. Glimmer knew better than to interfere with heart matters. She remembered how sad and exhausting was pining over Bow, and she only wished things to be different. She knew she couldn't be much of help.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Unless she talked to Catra herself.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Glimmer left, a mission in mind. All the princesses and their respective partners were around the circular table, in the dining hall.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Glimmer saw Catra, the only empty seat beside her. She didn’t look that worried, since her last encounter with Adora had been pretty happy.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Her vision was obfuscated with joy, she couldn’t think clearly. She felt safe, and couldn’t wait to spend time with Adora. Where was she? Probably helping around. She’d be there in a minute.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Glimmer sat beside her, in Adora’s seat, and whispered to her: « I think you should talk to Adora. She’s in her room. »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And Catra, being Catra, couldn’t help but think it was some kind of roleplay.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She went upstairs and found the hallways empty: all the princesses were in one room, where all the guards were supposed to be. Besides there was no enemy, and the princesses had gained so much popularity, now that their people were happy with their policy.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Catra was on cloud nine: she had suffered for a long time, and not dwelling on this feeling would have been a waste.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She’d never been truly happy, not even when she was a child. She had been abused, outcasted, isolated. Now she was accepted and appreciated amongst the princesses, between Adora’s arms. What else could she possibly want?</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She opened Adora’s door and saw her back, leaning on her elbows on the railing, half bent.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She possessed feline qualities, and that’s why Adora jumped a little when she put a hand on her lower back, suddenly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« I didn’t hear you coming. »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Catra thought she was acting, since she had sent Glimmer to call upon her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But the misunderstanding fell in one instant, as they locked gaze and Catra was the profound distress in Adora’s eyes.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« What happened? »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Adora took a sharp breath. « Where to start. »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Catra was waiting patiently, ready to launch herself in another mission if needed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« You’ve always hated me. » But she didn’t expect that.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« Since we were kids, Shadoweaver comparisons put us against each other. Then I left, and you felt abandonment. Then we fought, physically so, intending to harm each other. At Princess Prom you made me fall from a cliff. You held me captive. »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« Of course I did, we were in opposite factions. What’s your point. »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« My point is. Even if we were in different factions, I’ve never meant to harm you. I’ve never got that far. Even in your corrupted state- the worst I’ve done has been punching you. »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« So what, you’re saying you’re better than me? »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« See? You jump to a conclusion based on your past trauma. Your inferiority complex. »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« Don't even start on that. And don’t psychoanalyze me. »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« We can’t avoid talking about it. »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« There’s nothing to talk about! What happened is in the past. »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« You’re scared to confront it. »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« Am I? Or are you just absorbed in </span>
  <em>
    <span>your</span>
  </em>
  <span> superiority complex. Being a hero, being She-ra, having to fix what’s not even broken. »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« What are you talking about? »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« The problem isn’t me, Adora, the problem is you. Is your wanting to change me at your image, while I, on the other hand, accept you as you are. I’ve treated you worse in the past not because I didn’t like you: the opposite instead. You’ve never been driven by passion like I was, because you didn’t care for me as I cared about you. »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« You’re manipulating what happened on how you think you’re feeling now. »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« What do you mean “how I</span>
  <em>
    <span> think </span>
  </em>
  <span>I feel”? »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« You think you feel something for me, but after this initial euphoria is passed, we’ll go back biting each other heads off. »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The fury left Catra all at once, replaced by dull sadness. « Are you saying you don’t want me? »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Then Adora felt guilty, « I’m saying the opposite Catra. »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« How could you possibly know how I feel? »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« Because I know you. »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« You think you know me better than I do. Do you hear yourself? »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« If you were in love with me you wouldn’t feel so attacked, would you? »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« How dare you tell me how I should feel, what I should do. »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>After receiving no answer, Catra muttered: « You’re unbelievable. » and then, getting out of the room:</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« Maybe you’re right. We’re better off alone. »</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>How come Adora felt as if she just self-sabotaged? She did what was right. Freed Catra of her illusion. She did what someone in love with her would do. Not egoistically, keeping her to herself.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She could regret it all she wanted, there was no coming back now.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The rest of the princesses noted the couple’s absence. Perfuma excused herself at some point, between the courses, to get some fresh air.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She was always calm and composed but excitement often got to her head, that’s why during important events she needed to take minutes for herself.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Rising from her seat Scorpia stroked the back of her hand, to ask if everything was alright. She smiled and nodded, before kissing her on the cheek.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She walked down the cobbled path in the garden, surrounded by her element. She loved all the different scents one plant could emit from the changing of the weather.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She heard sniffling.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She got closer, until behind a bush she could distinguish a pair of ears.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« Catra? »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« Leave me alone. »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« What happened? »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She sat beside her, looking at the trees in front of them.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« You know, it takes a forest to prevent soil erosion, to limit the damage from an earthquake, to- »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« I get it, trees are important. »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« And that’s the key. Not a single tree, but many of them. Just like many threads make a shirt, many drops make a river, many- »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« Many soldiers make an army. »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« Yes, that too. You can’t isolate yourself when you’re hurting, or you’ll end up distantiating from the pack. Emotionally and, eventually, physically too. »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Catra liked Perfuma’s shooting voice, her emotional intelligence, her sensitivity.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« Even if it’s your right and it’s equally healthy to spend time with yourself to sort things out. The important thing is that one should not prevail on the other. »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« It’s about Adora. »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Perfuma sensed it. Only Adora had this effect on her, but she didn’t want to push.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Also she knew that Catra only appeared closed in herself, since it only took a little caution to let her open up.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Perfuma looked at her for a moment, to encourage her to go on.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« I thought we were finally going to… Get each other, you know. Be happy and all that stuff. But it seems like nothing changed for her. »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Perfuma thought a little about it, maybe a little too long because Catra asked, impatiently: « So? What should I do? »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>That question signed the development they had gone through, from Catra mocking her for her advices to her asking for them.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« I can’t substitute you in your relationship. But I can do as a mediator for the two of you, as long as you need to adjust. »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« What do you mean? »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« Couple therapy. »</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. can i just leave now, please?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>That night Catra and Adora slept separately, although Melog rested at the foot of Adora’s bed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Adora, though, hadn’t slept much, not really convinced she had done the right thing. Not emotionally convinced, only logically. And still using logic she tried to convince her emotional part too, leaving her restless in the morning, having talked to herself the whole night.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>That morning she didn’t find trace of Catra. She should have expected it, but still. The previous day daydreaming got the best of her will, and anticipated with expectation that night, so that she and Catra would sleep together once again, cuddling like they used to when they were kids.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Didn’t happen. Disappointed.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She was walking down the stairs when she found Scorpia.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« I was looking for you! »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« Hi to you too. Why, what happened? »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Adora was already on fight mode, ready to hear about a new enemy. She was hardly containing her smile, as absurd as it was.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« You should go to the inner garden. They’re waiting for you. »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« Who? »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« Not sure I can tell, » Since Perfuma told her she might not wanna come at all then, « But good luck! »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And with that, Scorpia turned around and walked away.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Adora thought about all the possibilities - well, most of them. She thought that that woman wasn’t Scorpia, but an hologram or a shapeshifter, sent from an enemy that was going to ambush her in the inner garden. But who would do that? There’s only one exit and it’s quite a small place. Although it is hidden enough for the enemy to not worry about being caught. Yes, it </span>
  <em>
    <span>could</span>
  </em>
  <span> make sense… If it was the case she was facing a short-sighted enemy that hadn’t thought about running away, so that was a bonus. Unless! Unless he had dug a corridor and was ready to kidnap her.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>With these thoughts in mind she turned into She-ra just before entering, you know, just for precaution. (She had difficulties transforming)</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Catra, on the other hand, managed to sleep, confiding in Perfuma’s abilities. She naively thought it would only take so much as half an hour with their new therapist for them to heal as a couple, and then everything would be perfect.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>That’s why she slept. She trusted Perfuma.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>But now that she was sitting on that stupid pillow, in the middle of the green space, in the back of the castle, glasses all around and glasses on the top to let the rays enter, all sorts of plants growing around them, leaving the circle they were in with only short grass. Perfuma was sitting on a pillow too, made of roots instead of feathers. Catra was jumping in her seat. How long was she taking? She heard a “for the honor, of Grayskull” just whispered, outside the only door, and then a light coming from the spot. She bet she was trying to be sneaky.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>When Adora entered her face was eloquent enough for them to understand. She expected to fight, not to sit and talk. What were those two doing sitting here? Maybe they were doing that meditation everyone kept mocking Catra for. Maybe Scorpia told her the wrong place, maybe they were waiting for her somewhere else.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>« I’m sorry, didn’t mean to interrupt you. Please carry on- » She started, walking backward.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« We were waiting for you, actually. » Said Perfuma, seeing Catra keeping silent.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« Me? »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« Yeah, I sent Scorpia to call for you. »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But Adora was still standing, full She-ra mode.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« Are you sure? I’m not really into the meditating thing. I mean Glimmer and Bow once brought me to- »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« We’re not meditating, Adora. Please take a seat. » It was Catra this time, with a tired voice. That’s all it took for her to obey, and turn back to herself.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>After a brief pause, Perfuma talked:</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« Adora, what we are going to do from today is couple therapy. I’m going to be mediating between the two of you, giving you weekly tasks. Then it’s all up to you. Are you okay with this? »</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Adora turned to Catra. « You knew about it? »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« I asked her to. »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>This would get in Adora’s way. It was hard enough for her to give up on Catra. Resisting would only make it worse.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Adora got up. « No, I’m not okay with this. I’m sorry. Have a great day. »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« Adora, wait. » Called Catra. « Can’t you just give it a try? »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Adora sighed, her back to Catra, facing the door.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« No, I can’t give it a try. Give me space Catra. »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Perfuma, on her behalf, was mentally taking note of their interactions. There was so much work to do with these two.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« Why, what do you have to do that is this urgent? It’ll only take an hour or less. Please sit down, don’t be an asshole. »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« Catra! » Reproached Perfuma.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« What, I even said please. »</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Seeing Adora walking away, Perfuma intervened. « Adora. »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She stopped. « What? »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« If you want to leave, you owe Catra at least an explanation. Please, sit down and tell her why you’re avoiding her. »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« I’m not. »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« You are. » Said Catra, a hard gaze on her loved one. Why did she have to be so difficult?</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Adora sighed and eventually sit down. She could do this. She would only have to explain the real situation to Perfuma: she expected her to be more understanding than Catra had been the previous day.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« We can’t do couple therapy because we can’t be a couple. »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Catra opened her mouth, looking at Adora, but saw with the corner of her eyes that Perfuma had lifter her hand a little, to gently stop her. Then she nodded, letting Adora continue.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But she was staying silent. « And why is that? » Perfuma then asked.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The chirping of the birds, the sound of the calm flow of the little river irrigating the plants, the mild climate and the perfume of the flowers helped Catra wait, patiently. The garden was an excellent choice for a fighting ground, she would give Perfuma that.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« Because if I indulge in what I want our relationship to be, disregarding what Catra doesn’t know are her unresolved feelings, I’d end up hurting both of us. It’s better to stop it sooner than later, before getting even more attached. »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« That’s bullshit- »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« Catra please, let her finish. »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« I finished. »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But Perfuma had to dig deeper. « What do you think are Catra’s feelings? »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Catra rolled her eyes. Why couldn’t she speak but Adora could speculate about her all she wanted? That was unfair.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But it was working: Adora was opening up, not putting resistance, not holding back.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« I think she doesn’t love me, not like I do. » And that hit her, because it wasn’t quite what Adora told her the other day. It was deeper, more vulnerable. The garden thing actually worked, huh.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Seeing Adora wasn’t going to add anything, and that she was having a hard time keeping her composure Perfuma didn’t think pushing was the right thing to do. She’d give her a brief pause, letting Catra talk, and then resume with her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« Catra, how do you feel about this. »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Catra snorted. « How do you think I feel? She’s full of bullshit. »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Perfuma wasn’t going to reproach her. This was her space now, she could swear all she wanted.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« She randomly chose how I feel, despite all the signs my affection displays. And she wants to prevail even in who loves the most, as if this was a challenge. And what drives me crazy the most is that it doesn’t matter what I tell her, she only cares about her own ideas and won’t listen to me. »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Perfuma found quite the maturity in Catra’s words, despite their fashion, because she already intuited what was going to be one of the major points of a healthy couple behavior.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« So you don’t feel heard by Adora. »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« Exactly. »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Adora was paying attention, of course she was, and depicting her like this made her sound as if she was a self-centered asshole.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« Of course I hear you Catra, I’m not deaf. But I can’t trust what you tell me, since you’re still under the effect of the winning euphoria. »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« Do you ever stop and consider what you say? This is exactly the definition of hearing. We’re not talking about literal hearing, we’re talking about giving importance to what I tell you. »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« It’s not about importance, it’s about having a critical eye. »</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>« It’s not! You’re not a fucking scientist and you’re not alone in this relationship. »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« There’s no such thing as a relationship Catra! »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« Ladies. » Perfuma stopped them. She left them fight a little to collect information on their fighting style.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Somehow Perfuma in that context emanated so much authority that a word was enough to shut the both of them up. Maybe it was because of her calmness, a calmness the two were in desperate need of, amongst their chaos.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Before Perfuma could speak, Adora felt the urge to leave.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« I gave it a try. Can I just leave now, please? »</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>« We’re almost over. » Perfuma reassured her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« And that’s my clue for this first week assignment. The first thing you need to adjust is talking, without running. Talk your feelings out, lash out at each other if needed, but don’t close yourself to the dialogue. If you feel like you can’t take it any longer have breaks, but choose together when resuming.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Why is this so important, in your opinion? »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Perfuma knew that giving orders wasn’t enough: she was dealing with deep couple issues, and she needed them to understand why it was so important to keep the dialogue window open.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Seeing them now answering, she prompted: « Catra? »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She thought about it a little, « To not lose contact? »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« Yeah, that for sure. Adora? »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« Maybe to get closer? To learn about each other, and all that stuff. »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« Yeah, that contributes. The main thing constant dialogue brings though is constancy itself. Is reminding yourself that you’re not giving up on each other. Is reminding yourself that you not only need, but you want to save your relationship. And it shows your partner that you’re committing yourself. It reassures them. That’s why it’s so important. Got it? »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Catra nodded, Adora inhaled.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« Adora? »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« It’s just that… »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Seeing she was having a hard time explaining, Catra put her hand on hers. Adora didn’t expect that, thinking she had to be hating her by now.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But that froze her more, if anything.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>So Perfuma asked, « What is it that is holding you back? »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« How can I know this is the right thing to do? »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Perfuma guessed what she was hinting at.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« Therapy is always helpful. If you and Catra aren’t meant to be, if she doesn’t love you like you argue, then therapy will show Catra the truth. If, on the other hand, you’re the one distorting things, therapy will help you clear your vision and not wasting the best existing thing. » She only implied it was love to not sound too cheesy, seeing it never worked with Catra’s cynical side.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« Alright? » She asked, in the end.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Then, Adora nodded. They were going to do this.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>They got out of the room, not really sure about what the assignment was in practice. How much did they need to talk? Did they have to sit down and force themselves to do it? It wasn’t very clear, was it.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Perfuma stayed in the garden a little more, eyes closed, breathing deeply, reflecting.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She remembered her short relation with Huntara, and how they kept failing over the points she was going to suggest Catra and Adora. Even if there was complicity, it wasn’t enough. There wasn’t healthy ground for a love to sprout.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>There was a little excitement and grand gestures, but that’s not how healthy couples communicate. Or at least, that’s not enough.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She was very hurt by them losing contact, Huntara coming back to Crimson Waste. She had been her first girlfriend, although not her first “love”, if her past crushes were categorizable like that.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Then she met Scorpia. Kind, sweet Scorpia. Everything Huntara wasn’t. She was careful, affectionate, buried her under tons of attention.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Perfuma knew hurt people could only turn into the Scorpia-model or the Huntara-model: understanding and compassionate or closed in themselves and defensive. The second behavior was justifiable, of course. But it was a hard shell to dismantle, and Perfuma wasn’t strong enough.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>No, not Perfuma, Scorpia told her that one time. Their love. She didn’t need to blame herself for abandoning Huntara. She left on her own free will. She needed to forgive herself. That’s what sweet kind Scorpia told her, that one time Perfuma talked about this story, holding her and caressing her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Perfuma felt so blessed, having found this amazing woman. She had been waiting for love, while dispensing love advice from her observing eye. She was very emotionally intelligent, that’s why she was so good at it. But she was inexperienced, and she never quite understood what her “patients” were going through until her problems with Huntara. And, similarly, she never understood how one could feel so undeserving of love until she met Scorpia. So filled with gratitude. So overwhelmed by it, that one could end up feeling guilty and confused.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Now she was starting to understand, now that her own advices couldn’t reach herself.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>That’s why she was so lucky to have Scorpia: she was as emotionally intelligent as she was, even if she didn’t really know how to condense her knowledge into advices. That’s why she almost always knew when Perfuma needed to be held, to be reassured, to feel loved, and when she needed to give her the opportunity to love her back.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Perfuma was thinking these things in the garden while Scorpia was looking for her, curious about how it went with Catra and Adora.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>There wasn’t much to do around Etheria, expect for some building adjustments, and that’s what she had been doing all morning.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But now she wanted to check on her girl since she often saw her shaken after particularly intense meetings. She emphasized a little too much to give the best advices possible, but it had consequences.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She found her still in the garden, absolute silence. Scorpia tried getting closer in silence but Perfuma, with her eyes still closed, called her: « Hi Scorpia. »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Then she opened her eyes and smiled up at her. She was looking at her with a certain look, that Scorpia couldn’t hold back sitting next to her, filling her with little pecks on her cheeks.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Perfuma laughed, the garden filling with a different atmosphere than just a few hours before.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« How did it go? »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« Not that bad actually. Catra seems to be the most adult part. »</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>« Really? »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« Yeah, I wasn’t expecting that either. »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« How come? »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« I think that’s because Adora is used to doing everything alone, and she has just learned how to let her friends fight at her side. She has to get out of this scheme where everything depends on her. »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« Hasn’t Catra always been alone, too? »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« Yes but not because she chose to. She was always ready for someone to save her. She knows her weaknesses better than Adora does, I think. »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« That’s interesting. Next week you’ll see their results. »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Then, Perfuma froze. « You’re right. I forgot to tell them to keep track of their progress. » Scorpia laughed, « You always do. If you want I can go tell them. »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« Oh no, you’re not supposed to know what happened. I’ll tell them if I see them. Or, better. I’ll tell only one of them, so they’ll have an occasion to talk. »</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>And so Perfuma did. She chose to tell only Adora, because she was the one avoiding Catra, from what she understood.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« Adora, here you are! » Perfuma found her training in one of the training rooms. There was no battle incoming, but Perfuma assumed she just wanted to keep in shape.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« I forgot to tell you it would be better to monitor your progress, when you feel like you made one. Writing, recording, the way you prefer. Could you tell Catra if you see her, please? »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Adora nodded, not really paying attention. She assumed Perfuma would see Catra before she did, so she just let it slip past her.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>That week though Adora kept avoiding Catra. Catra didn’t feel like pushing her, sleeping in their destined room while Adora kept sleeping in her past room. Melog always near her.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. start right now, right here.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>It was another Monday morning and Catra and Adora were sitting on their pillows. Perfuma was nowhere to be seen.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« She’s late. »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« No way Sherlock. »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adora scowled at her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« So… »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And that was when the flower woman made her appearance.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« I’m sorry I’m late, »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« What, you got lost? » - this was Catra,</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« Very funny. » - and this, Adora.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Perfuma wasn’t accidentally late, she left the two of them some minutes alone on purpose. Somehow she sensed they didn’t spend much time together during that week, from the tension in the room. The silence. The avoiding gaze. The stances. Lots of things.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« How did last week go? »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Catra snorted while Adora looked everywhere else.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« Who wants to start. »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But again, silence.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Catra was thinking of a good answer to blame it on the other woman. Adora was the one avoiding her, while she was just leaving her space. But was she, though?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« Not a very promising start… Adora, what did you write or say in your tracking? »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« Uhm, nothing, actually. »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« Hold up a second. »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Catra turned to Perfuma, « We were supposed to keep track of things? Did you forget to tell us or what. »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Perfuma instinctively was going to reply that Adora was supposed to tell her, but that wouldn’t work in her favour.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« I did forget to tell you, actually. »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But before she could explain herself, Catra interjected again: « Then how is she aware of it? » She turned to Adora, « Do you randomly track everything you do? Is this why you’re this way? »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« Catra, why are you reacting like this. » Perfuma tried to take control of the conversation once more, because the overreaction was of course the coverage for something else.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But Adora started giving her attentions, alimenting her fury. « Why am I like what? »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« Acting so distant, so superior. Last week’s quest was literally to talk and when did you talk to me? Not even once. Do you think you did a good job? You failed Adora, in this very simple thing. How does that make you feel. »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« First of all, it takes two to talk, so where were you last week? And also, what’s your point? Are you trying to make me feel bad? What do you know about what’s my goal. Maybe I’m not failing in the overall scheme. »</span>
  <span><br/>
</span>
  <span>« I was giving you space, because I’m not self-focused like you are. And you do are obsessed over winning aren’t you. »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« Why, because I answered you? Everyone wants to do good. Where’s the harm? »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« The harm is when you randomly choose what’s the good that has to be done and hurt others in the process. »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« That’s rich, coming from you. »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Perfuma had let this spiral long enough.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« That’s enough. Since you both failed this week’s task, let’s move on the next. You’ll catch up with this along the way, because these tasks are to be maintained from the day they’re assigned to the end of the relationship, so you still have a chance to get better at this. But, don’t forget it. Keep monitoring every task, while we meet them. »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Perfuma knew she was being permissive, reproaching the least possible. She still trusted in their maturity and self-control.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>« So, this week’s task. To investigate in each other’s differences, learn them, and internalize them. How does one do that?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Acknowledging your partner’s differences is something we stumble upon very frequently. A hint could be something that bothers us, because non-internalized differences tend to do that. Another hint could be something that surprises us.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After we’ve found, let’s say, that our partner goes to parties every night. This is something that annoys us because we don’t do that - if we did we’d be out with them. But we aren’t: we’re alone, sit in our couch watching a dumb show to kill time.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>What is is that annoys us about this difference? In this example is the fact that we’re alone, probably, and we blame their differences for that. In every situation a number of empirical hints lead us to a more general concept, an attribute to associate our partner with. In this example our partner will be labelled, let’s say, sociable.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>This step is the learning part: after our investigation and collecting of facts, we group them under a general quality.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then we need to internalize them, and we do that by justification. Let’s go back to our example: we’re on that couch, loathing in loneliness. We could continue on blaming our partner for not staying with us, or understand their need. Extroverts need to recharge with others and feel oppressed when alone, while introverts work the other way around. Agreeable people commit themselves to others until exhaustion, while disagreeable people tend to do the opposite. And so on.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But, this isn’t this simple. »</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>« It feels like listening to a TedTalk. »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adora laughed.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>« I’m almost over, don’t worry. The hard part is that differences sometimes are healthier than similarity. For example, two disagreeable people like the two of you will have a hard time not fighting over small things, not trying to have the last word, and so on. The internalizing part should come easier for the similarities: understanding that your fight isn’t a product of the specific cause but of your characters, and step back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then, to sum up: fights come from specific differences and similarities: the differences that trigger fights are the non-internalized ones, that hence need to be internalized, by understanding and justifying the other, while the similarities that trigger fights are the ones coming from hostile traits of personality, like disagreeableness, aggressivity, jealousy, defensiveness… »</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>« So I just need to… put myself in her shoes? » Adora asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« Exactly. »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« You could have just said that. »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« This is a crucial point, that creates the environment for the next three behaviours to be adopted. Do you have any questions? »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« How can I learn her differences if I hardly ever see her? »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« That’s a good question Catra. I’ll anticipate the sixth and seventh point in a few words: you need to spend time together. Adora, make an effort. Catra, chase her if needed. And remember the first rule! »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was a reason Perfuma followed a specific order in giving these tasks, so she didn’t want to give away the exact methods to force them to spend time together, while not feeling it as a burden.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She still felt as if she needed to carry them by their hands.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« Adora, do you have anything to do right now? »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« Uhm, no I don’t think so- »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« Catra? »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« There’s never anything to do around here. »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« Perfect! Start right now, right here. Take, let’s say, an hour or so. Talk. Play games. Whatever. See you next week. »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And with that, a smile that the two girls were starting to hate, she exited the room, leaving the two of them alone.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Suddenly, weirdly enough, Catra felt the need to say: « You don’t have to do this, if you don’t want to. »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>With her voice just above a whisper. A <em>so</em> quiet voice Adora understood right away what it was standing for.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« Catra… »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But still, she didn’t know what to say.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She could tell her: you’ve been pushing me to do this therapy thing, and now you’re letting me go.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Or she could not.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She felt like explaining herself, because her feelings weren’t diminished. She was just feeling one more of them: an ache, because she missed Catra. She missed her like she did during the war, when she was kidnapped, when they were young and she gave her silence treatment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>What if Catra was right, and she was just creating an enemy for herself, to feel useful? But most importantly, what if Perfuma was right, and Catra actually did love her back?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her tone, her expression, her commitment surely backed this thesis.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Catra turned her head towards her, looking directly in her eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was weird feeling like a stranger in them. Those very same blue eyes had been her home and comfort when they were young, and now she was feeling all over again as if Adora had just told her she was going to leave the Fright Zone for good. She was going to leave her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She felt a stranger in them like she felt at the Princesses Prom, when she looked at her, or in the Crimson Waste, when she kidnapped her - she looked at her. She always was.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Catra did felt not only love, but pure adoration toward Adora. That made her see red.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Was this the internalizing shit Perfuma babbled about?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>« I think I’m doing it. » She said, suddenly.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« Doing what? »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« What Perfuma told us today. »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« I can tell… we’re sitting here for an hour. »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« No, not that. To catalogue the differences and all that. »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« Really? »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« Yeah. »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« What a quick study. »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Catra smiled. Why did this veneration for Adora made her that angry?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« And what is it. »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« What. »</span>
  <span><br/>
</span>
  <span>« The difference. »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« I’m still at the first step. Let me think. »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maybe it had something to do with her inferiority complex. Not that she actually </span>
  <em>
    <span>had</span>
  </em>
  <span> one, she was just saying. Right?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« Can I participate? »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« To what? »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« To your thinking. »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Catra rolled her eyes. Didn’t answer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maybe she just felt insecure, maybe she felt like she didn’t deserve Adora loving her back with that same intensity. No, not </span>
  <em>
    <span>loving</span>
  </em>
  <span> per se… Being admired. Being able to leave her with her mouth open. Being able to impress her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She didn’t have her muscles, her kind heart, her righteousness, her bravery, her-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« Please? »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« Adora. What’s the definition of thinking? »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« Uhm… »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Where were we? Yes, why she felt like she shouldn’t be feeling that deep adoration toward the woman.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maybe it was a defensive mechanism, maybe it made her angry because it put her in a vulnerable position: it’s so much easier to be manipulated by someone not only you trust, but also admire, since the two things go hand in hand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« Creating thoughts? »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« Yes, Adora. »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« Then? What did you find out? »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« Still on it. »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« It feels like a mission. »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« You do have only one thing in that mind. »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was remarkable how Adora could go from cold-hearted-bitch to 5-year-old in a span of a second, in Catra’s eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She was at a dead point, so she could involve her too.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« One thing that annoys me about you, » And Adora was already preparing herself, though everything about that place - the plants, the water, the birds - screamed calmness and peace.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« Is that I think highly of you. Like, as a person. »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And with this Adora was confused. Flattered, red-cheeked, but confused.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So Catra explained a little more.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« I mean. I know you have flaws and issues. I know. But I think I don’t really know, you know? »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« Too many “know”, got confused. »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« I mean, I should </span>
  <em>
    <span>only </span>
  </em>
  <span>feel affectionate toward you. And still, I </span>
  <em>
    <span>also</span>
  </em>
  <span> feel respect, and admiration. »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« Isn’t that good? »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« It makes me angry. »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« Why? »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« That what I was wondering about. »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« Oh, I see. And? »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« Just hypothesis. » She waited for a little, seeing Adora pensive. « What do you think? »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« I think what we’re going through has relevance to it. Because you feel hurt, by my behaviour. So you don’t feel like I deserve your respect, but still you can’t stop feeling this way. »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And with that, Adora had read her better than she did herself.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That fact: the simplicity which she told it, and the spontaneity of it, as if it was obvious to her, reminded her who Adora was to her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Not just a girl she had fallen in love with. But her best friend. Her only attachment. The only one who could understand her, and it was cheesy to admin but oh so very true. The one that knew how to be around her. That made her feel that way. That she cared about. That she wanted the approval of.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« Catra? »</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>And yes, like a baby, she was crying.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She got up and left, leaving behind Adora calling her. « Catra, where are you going? You can’t just leave. Remember the first rule! »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But they weren’t fighting.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Catra needed to leave, or she’d step as low as </span>
  <em>
    <span>begging</span>
  </em>
  <span> Adora to stop treating her like she meant nothing to her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She couldn’t do that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>How could she still admire her? That wasn’t a difference Adora had from the norm, that was some fucked-up dysfunction Catra had developed. Some Stoccolma-shit.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That therapy was crap.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. uhm, in simpler words?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Adora felt guilty, and she didn’t know why. She didn’t actually </span>
  <em>
    <span>do</span>
  </em>
  <span> something, well, apart from avoiding Catra. But they talked! They were talking and things were going… not bad? She literally said like two sentences. What did she do wrong?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And now Adora was confused. Oh, so confused. She didn’t know who she should listen to. What if she was right? What if Perfuma was right? What if none? Did a third option even exist?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>What if</span>
  <em>
    <span> she</span>
  </em>
  <span> didn’t love Catra?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>If her guilt and her sleepless nights were any indicators, that was maybe her only certainty. But then again, wasn’t love supposed to be an egotistical matter? How come she claimed she loved Catra and tried to get rid of her? Something wasn’t adding up.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Did she love Catra?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She was getting worked up. Of course! But why was she so quick to answer, and felt </span>
  <em>
    <span>scared</span>
  </em>
  <span> to think about it a little deeper?</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She was thinking all these things that Tuesday morning, the day after therapy, the day after their “fight” (that wasn’t a fight. Was it?), lying in her bed, not fully awake yet.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She had nothing in particular to do: if there was any hard work she’d be called to go helping. But until no one asked her to help, they were just fine. Still she spent most of her time clearing up and helping moving stuff around, as a volunteer, and that day would be no exception - or so Adora thought.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>After washing and getting dressed she walked through the castle when she saw a semi-closed door. She was naturally curious, and so she peeked inside.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>There Spinnerella and Netossa were playing chess, agitated attitudes.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She was about to keep walking, but something about that kind of ease they radiated when being near each other, in the situation Adora was in, sparked envy in her. So she looked a little longer, as if she wanted to study how were they </span>
  <em>
    <span>doing it</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Why couldn’t she and Catra be like them?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« Adora? » She got lost in her own thoughts, unfocused gaze to notice Netossa was looking back at her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« Oh, I’m sorry, I was just, »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« No problem, come here! » Offered Spinnerella and Adora, having nothing better to do, opened the door and got closer.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She saw Netossa’s annoyed expression at how quickly her wife forgot about their game, but it lasted a second. She knew they’d be resuming in the bat of an eye.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« So, Adora… » Netossa started. Spinnerella looked at her sideways, as if to warn her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« Yes? » Adora felt as if she was taking an exam.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She sat in the armchair across from the couch they were on.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« How have you been doing? » Asked Spinnerella.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>At that Adora could have answered with the classic “fine, thanks, what about you?”, or she could take the opportunity. She could use a hand, after all. Well, not that she </span>
  <em>
    <span>needed </span>
  </em>
  <span>one, they were going to therapy too, but. You know. Since she was already there.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She sighed. « Actually, I wanted to ask you two for advice. »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>That sparked their curiosity. Because of their age gap they were the princesses Adora interacted the less with, the same thing applied for Frosta. But different generations meant different approaches, not necessarily avoidance of interactions. So whenever the wifes spent time with the youth they felt, well, good. Partly useful, partly excited about the change.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« How did the two of you get to where you are? As partners, I mean. »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They looked at each other, firstly taken aback and then, fondly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« That’s a good </span>
  <em>
    <span>and</span>
  </em>
  <span> broad question. Can you narrow it down? »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« I mean, how come you don’t fight? »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They both snorted. « Oh trust me, we do. » Netossa answered.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« But if what you’re asking is how we handled fighting, » Spinnerella started, « Then we can tell you that communication is the key. »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« As disappointing as it may sounds. » Netossa added, seeing Adora’s expression.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>That wasn’t helpful.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« If you wanted a more specific kind of help, and you feel comfortable with it, maybe you could explain the situation to us. » Netossa suggested.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She had a point. « Well, » But how could she put it into words? What was even the problem?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« Catra and I, » She started, and show smiles blossoming in their faces. The kind of smiles of people that watched and recognized a certain kind of understanding, long before Catra and her did.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« Well, we, » She was fidgeting. Were they even girlfriends? They kissed once and got into couple therapy - as absurd as it may sound. Maybe that was the answer: they were simply rushing things. Maybe they just had to slow down and go back to being friends, and then, if things were really meant to be-</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« are together? » Spinnerella offered.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« Yes. We can say that. And… »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« Have been fighting. » Netossa concluded.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« Well yes, a couple of times, the last one wasn’t exactly- »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« And now she’s avoiding you? » Spinnerella asked.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« No, actually I’m the one, well not really, but in the past I did- »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« Then you already have the answer kiddo. Go and talk to her. I bet she’s waiting for you. » Netossa concluded.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Adora sighed. If it was that simple.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« Why are you avoiding her? » Spinnerella asked, a little surprised at how Netossa didn’t notice that huge detail.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Well, </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span> was the core of the problem.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« Uhm, well, I thought that, » And again, how to put it into words? The only phrasing that she could think of made her sound stupid. Was it a stupid problem?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« How can I know she loved me? I mean, a few months fighting side by side can’t change years of fighting each other. It can’t be that easy. »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« The fact that you’re going to have to work things through isn’t an excuse to give up on the relationship entirely, you know that right? »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Yes, of course she knew, but if she was</span>
  <em>
    <span> considering</span>
  </em>
  <span> it, then, did it mean she didn’t love Catra?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« And don’t overthink things. It’s normal to be scared, more so if it’s your first romantic relationship. Nobody teaches you how it should be done, and movies aren’t a good representation. Tell her what you’re thinking, what you’re feeling. Don’t keep her in the dark and drop heavy stuff like that randomly on her. Got it? » Netossa finished. It felt more like an order, or a threat, than actual advice, but Adora could do nothing but follow it. They </span>
  <em>
    <span>were</span>
  </em>
  <span>, after all, the longest-lasting relationship in Etheria that she was aware of.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She stood up, determined, and got out. Nervous and excited.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>What if it could be that easy?</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Catra, on the other hand, since the previous day’s therapy couldn’t stop thinking about things.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Nothing had actually changed: they were little and her adoration towards Adora was unrequited. Then they grew up and her confused teenager's feelings towards Adora were unrequited. Then they kept growing old, and Adora still saw her as a friend, eyes fixed on becoming Force Captain. Then she left her, and that was a clear sign to Catra that Adora never felt anything for her. Only mild friendship affection.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Then the war unraveled, and that mild friendship turned to hostility, as Catra’s hurt turned to pure hate. Though it didn’t. She never hated </span>
  <em>
    <span>Adora</span>
  </em>
  <span>, what she hated was how Adora treated her, how she betrayed her, how she could be so obvious - or play coy - of her feelings. And she hated herself, for not being able to hate Adora in her fullest. Adora was a constant reminder of her weakness: not only in the military side, but also and mostly in the emotional one. She always kept her cool, knew what to say, how to act, while Catra? She hid and cried more frequently than she’d like to admit.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And to that day nothing changed. Catra still hung by her lips, waiting desperately to be loved by her. But then she claimed Catra - </span>
  <em>
    <span>Catra!</span>
  </em>
  <span> - was the one not loving her. How could she? Stupid Adora, she knew nothing about it. And on the wave of that thought, she realized. What Adora was doing was what she had done many times to Catra.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Put herself in a position of power, in a position where she could give orders and mask them for reasonable truth. She claimed Catra didn’t love her before Catra could say otherwise: before Catra could realize what Adora was doing was actually trying to get rid of her, without losing her face.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Catra wanted to punch things. Naive Catra. She had better learn to protect herself, or she’d wallow in her misery forever.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She needed to expose Adora, or at least to play along. Quit this therapy bullshit. Get away, far away from her.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>That’s why, when Adora knocked on their supposed-to-be-sharing room, she found it empty.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Though Catra didn’t really know where to go, so she supposed she could simply attend the last therapy session, just to say hi to Perfuma.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Yes, that was the reason.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>So she spent the rest of the week wandering through Etheria, mending with Scorpia - a very forgiving individual -, hanging out with her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She would think about what to do next. She didn’t need to </span>
  <em>
    <span>leave </span>
  </em>
  <span>Etheria, she just needed to find another accommodation and a job. It could be easy enough, if she put her mind to it.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The next Monday came.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>« Were you just avoiding me, or were you trying to sabotage the therapy? » Catra asked, once she sat down.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>They were sitting on their pillows, as usual, and as usual Perfuma was late. When Catra entered the garden, a few minutes before her question, she found Adora, eyes closed, still. She opened one eye and said hi to her, Catra nodded.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>This time the tension was different. Adora felt it, and couldn’t make sense of it. It was reasonable that Catra could be a little mad at her, of course, after avoiding her and disregarding her feelings. But it felt heavier than that. It felt conclusive to her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« When? »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« When you didn’t tell me about the tracking thing. »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« Neither, oh god, why are you still thinking about it? It happened three weeks ago! »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« Why all of a sudden you’re such a fan of this therapy, anyway? »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Perfuma plopped on her pillow, « Sorry I’m late ladies! »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« Don’t make it a habit. » commented Catra. After all she could no longer arrive late, if the therapy was no longer going to happen.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« How did last week go? »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The two of them looked at each other, eloquent expressions.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>How did last week go? Well.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>What a question.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« I actually looked for Catra, on Tuesday. » Adora commented.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« And? » Perfuma smiled. That was progress, right?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« Didn’t found her. »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« You didn’t look hard enough, then. It means you had nothing important to tell me. » Well, two could play that game. Catra could push her buttons little. Take the tiniest revenge.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« No, I did, actually! »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« Then why did you stop so soon looking for me? »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« Because, » And then Adora remembered Netossa’s threat-advice.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« Because I was scared. »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Catra turned her head to look at Adora, but then looked elsewhere. Her surprise betrayed her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>After a long enough silence, Perfuma prompted: « What was it that you wanted to tell Catra? »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« Well, I wanted to apologize. For sabotaging our newborn relationship. » Yes, she’d been practicing the words in her head, that Thursday.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Carta wanted so much to snort. To believe it was a mind trick, that somehow this change of mind coincided with her own change of mind. But, realistically, how could Adora know? She didn’t tell anyone. And, besides, Adora wasn’t that intelligent. At least, not emotionally. Not at reading people. She couldn't have guessed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>So where did that confession bring Catra, in her plan? Could she forget it altogether?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She didn’t want to be as stupid ad Adora proved herself to be and jump into her little theory, but she also didn’t want to be played again.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« How does that make you feel, Catra? » Perfuma asked, after what felt like several minutes. (In the gardens there was no clock. Maybe that’s why Perfuma was always late.)</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Catra waited for a little before start speaking, half an ironical smile on her face and fake confidence in her pocket, like she always did when she was putting on a show.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« I could say that it makes me feel happy and that we can start all over again. That’s what she wants, right. But what do I want. »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She got up, just to get a little more theatrical, as if she wasn’t already.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« Do I feel like putting my heart in her childish hands once again? Not really. What warranty do I have? »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>That mortified Adora.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She hadn’t expected that.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She theoretically knew that she hurt Catra, but seeing her crying the previous week wasn’t enough of a proof for Adora’s mind to elaborate it from a theoretical to a concrete level. Threatening of leaving her, on the other hand, was concrete enough.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« What are you talking about? » Asked then Adora, in disbelief.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« Don’t play dumb, princess. What did you expect me to do? Jump in your arms? As if admitting I- » And yes, spitting out those two words tasted like venom now. « As if admitting my feelings wasn’t hard enough. You should have been gentle with them. Of course something’s broken, just like something broke since you left me. »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« Are you actually playing that card? It’s been years now. And we’ve talked about it, I didn’t leave </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span>, I left the Horde! I even tried to bring you with me, how can you leave that out? »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« You tried to bring me with you like you’re trying to trick me now. »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« What would I gain from it? Let’s pretend I don’t care about you, what would I gain from us getting together? »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« Oh </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span> tell me, it’s what I’ve been trying to figure out. »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Adora didn’t know what to tell her anymore. How could she </span>
  <em>
    <span>demonstrate</span>
  </em>
  <span> it wasn’t a game?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« I think, » Perfuma started, seeing how things went on fire so quickly and how it seemed to have turned to a still point.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« That we could examine what is this week’s assignment. »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Both of them looked at her as if to ask her “really?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« This next step, after you’ve stopped avoid confrontation, » Even if that was still a big issue between them, « and you’ve learned each other’s differences, » which they hadn’t done since they hadn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>talked</span>
  </em>
  <span>, « is learning each other’s communicative methods. This means, and in the next two weeks we’ll explore it further, understanding when and how the partner is delivering you a message. »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« Uhm, in simpler words? » Adora asked shyly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« How can you be </span>
  <em>
    <span>that </span>
  </em>
  <span>stupid. » Catra commented, rolling her eyes.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« Why don’t you explain it Catra, so you can demonstrate it simultaneously. » Perfuma offered. She felt like a mother, trying to get her children to play with each other.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Then Catra felt a little unsure about what she understood.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« Well, the fact that I called you stupid was, like, the box of the message, and the message was that, well, that you’re stupid. Simple as that »</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>« You got the mechanism, but try thinking about what you actually wanted to say with that. » Perfuma corrected.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Catra, being acquainted with over analyzing herself, knew exactly what she meant by “stupid”.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« The box is the insult, the message is that you frustrate me because I want you to, » What did she want from Adora? «  to understand things, to understand me. You only understand yourself, and that’s the easiest shot. »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Adora didn’t expect that. She always knew one of their differences was that she was more a “punch your feelings out” kind of girl, without really questioning what those feelings even </span>
  <em>
    <span>were</span>
  </em>
  <span>, while Catra was really smart under that aspect.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>That was Adora’s point of view, while Catra’s was the polar opposite: the reason why the previous week she hit a sensitive spot.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>That dynamic, that Perfuma could make a cloudy glimpse at, was deeply fascinating to her. They both got each other’s feelings when those feelings concerned the person alone, while when it was a couple-thing this ability got ousted by their reciprocal anxiety and insecurities about being enough for each other. That last part still needed further analysis, and Perfuma made a mental note on that.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>« I see. You’re calling me stupid because I didn’t understand your feelings, right? »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« Right. »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« But, if you see it logically- »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« Ugh! You’re impossible. Do you really feel in the position of polemicizing? »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« That’s not what I’m doing, but, it’s a meta-discourse, »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« Do you know where you can stick your meta-discourse up? »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« If you understood this week’s assignment, » Perfuma interjected. How come they couldn’t stay civil for five minutes?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« You can go. Or you can stay, as you wish. See you next week! And note things down. At some point I’ll take a look at it, just to be sure you’re doing it. »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ugh, neither of them were. Adora scribbled something once, but Catra hadn’t even thought about how to record things, out of spite for the forgetting-incident.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Perfuma left, and embarrass filled the room.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« It’s going to be hard to do the assignment, if you avoid me. » Catra commented.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« I’m not going to. I promise. »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« Stop fucking promising things, Adora. » And then, Catra took an extra step. « Please. »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Adora felt angry. Why didn’t she trust her? Well, she knew why, but. Wasn’t it enough?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« So… What do you have to do now? » Asked Adora, just to prove she was going to keep her promise.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« Right now? »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« Yeah. »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« Meeting with Scorpia. »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« Really? »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Catra looked at her sideways. « Why do you act so surprised. My life doesn’t revolve around you. » Though it kind of did, but Catra wasn’t going to tell her, of course.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« Of course not, I wasn’t suggesting- »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« Then see you later, princess. » Catra turned and started to walk toward the entrance of the garden.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« You have to talk to me too, you know? » Adora called after her, but she was gone.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>After all, it takes two to tango.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. not in a platonic, friendly way</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>« This week’s assignment is very important » Perfuma started.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« Aren’t all of them important? »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Catra wasn’t gone yet. It was as if the idea of running away was enough to help her cope with that other idea: the idea that Adora wasn’t in love with her, and never had been.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So Catra was there, sitting on her pillow, next to Adora, lips tight, been avoiding her all week. Brightmoon isn’t that big so it happened once or twice that they accidentally met - or, as accidentally as it was that Adora kept </span>
  <em>
    <span>looking for her</span>
  </em>
  <span> - but Catra had always been faster and stealthier, so. Not that big of a problem.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>« Yes they are, very good Catra. Though this one is a focal point, because this is what the relationship is founded on. » Perfuma made a thetrical pause.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Catra saw with the corner of her eye that Adora was hanging from her lips, as if she thought what Perfuma was going to say, it’d save their relationship.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As if Adora </span>
  <em>
    <span>wanted </span>
  </em>
  <span>their relationship to be saved.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>This shit was too confusing. Too quick to change her mind.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Why was Adora so invested, all of a sudden?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>« And this week’s assignment will be to learn each other’s needs. Why your partner wants you, in particular. Why is it you that they love. »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« Didn’t we cover it already? » Adora asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« Well, it might sound like another communicative method, or like another difference, but even if it was its importance calls for an entire week to be studied. This is one of the two main points of the relationship, after all. »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« And what’s the other one? » She asked, again. Why was she so eager to know?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« You’ll find out next week. »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After a brief pause, just before Perfuma was about to explain it a little, Catra said:</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« Isn’t it a little… sad? That we use each other for our needs? »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« Well, if the relationship degenerates it can become all about fulfilling your needs, » And that was what Catra thought Adora was looking in her. Maybe her changing her mind coincided with her realizing what she could</span>
  <em>
    <span> use</span>
  </em>
  <span> Catra for.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« But love and needs don’t precede each other: they come hand in hand. Since we’re human our needs can only be neglected for so long, so love can’t come before needs, but if needs prevail on love, to the point where there’s no longer a balance between your needs and your partner’s, then that’s no longer a relationship. »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« But how do I know my needs are being fulfilled because she loves me, or because she wants me to stick around for her own needs? »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Catra saw Adora raising her eyebrows, as if she felt called into question.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« I think that thought can be confirmed by your partner’s attitude, or it can be denied by her shows of affections, »</span>
  <span><br/>
</span>
  <span>« Alright but what if her shows of affections are fake ones, just to make me stay to satisfy her? »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« What are you suggesting, Catra? » Adora intervened.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Catra snorted. « Defensive much, huh? Did I touch a nerve? »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« I’m not using you, if that’s what you’re asking. »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« Then what’s with your change of mind? I dragged you into therapy, and you kept saying I didn’t love you, and now? What changed? »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« Your speech doesn’t make any sense. If I loved you and thought you didn’t love me, maybe I just understood that you do love me? What are you omitting here? »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« The fact that if you did love me you wouldn’t have put up so much resistance. You wanted to dump your guilt on me, when you were the one who wasn’t feeling a thing. I’m asking you: if you don’t love me, why are you here? »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« This is all in your head, you know it right? I never said I didn’t love you. »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« That’s the point, it’s not your words I’m worried about. »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adora didn’t know what to answer. « What do you want me to do? »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And with that, Perfuma took the opportunity.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« Catra, » She interjected. « What Adora is doing is asking you what are your needs. »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« I need her to leave me alone, then. »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adora looked so defeated, what something in Catra awakened. Guilt and pleasure, from her new position and her old one, in their relationship.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« Is that so? » Perfuma asked with a careful tone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« Of course, what else could I expect from her? »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« I’m not asking what you want her to do, realistically. I’m asking what Adora should do, if you thought she loved you. »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And that, for Catra, was another matter. She daydreamed about the two of them quite often. Too often for her to be waiting that long to answer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But what would answering result in? Adora accomplishing in it, and Catra still being unsure about her reasons.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But she could spoiler herself a little, after all. She could say whatever, even what didn’t matter to her that much, just to make Adora strain for it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« Well, I’d want her to… » And made a gesture with her index on her lips, a sign of being thinking hard.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« To bring me the moon, » She could start with a little bullshit, after all. She was looking at Adora now, full body turned, and saw her roll her eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« Realistically? » Adora asked, but Catra had a quick answer: « Perfuma said not realistically. »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« Uhm, I didn’t exactly mean- » Perfuma tried to correct herself, but Catra stopped, resuming with her list.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« Then I’d want her to make something original, something I wouldn’t expect. Something that makes me understand that she doesn’t take me for granted. »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>(Even in her playful casual tone, Adora saw a glimpse of Catra’s hurt behind her words. She was taking mental notes of all this, because to her it wasn’t a game at all.)</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« Then… Let’s see… » How far could Catra go? She wanted to embarrass Adora. And more than that, she wanted Adora to </span>
  <em>
    <span>fail</span>
  </em>
  <span>, for once. She wanted to give her something impossible for her to do. Something new. Something scary. Something Catra, on the other hand, during the war got acquaintances with.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« To demonstrate to me that she </span>
  <em>
    <span>wants </span>
  </em>
  <span>me. Not in a platonic, friendly way. » And if her wording was vague enough, her tone didn’t leave space for doubts.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adora gulped and turned red, while Perfuma seemed unaffected by it, and instead commented: « Well, with that last request we maybe should anticipate another point… But you know what, doesn’t matter. » She smiled. Perfuma was confused enough about why they </span>
  <em>
    <span>hadn’t </span>
  </em>
  <span>done it yet, but she guessed it was her business.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« Catra, remember this week you need to find out Adora’s needs too. And with that, I think we’ve finished for today. »</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When Perfuma left, Catra stood up, ready to leave.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« What do you actually want? » Adora asked, voice small.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« I told you already. »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« How could I possibly bring you the moon? »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« That’s your problem, princess. You’re She-ra after all, you can do anything. »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And that, that was one of their weak points. That power and fame that kept biting Adora in her ass. If she could, she’d get rid of it, for Catra.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« Why are you focusing on the only hard one, anyway? » And with that, Catra thought she could at least play a little. Take an act of tiny revenge. Or that’s what she told herself, denying her actual want, getting closer to Adora who was still sitting.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« Uhm, because if I do that first- »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Catra, with guts she didn’t know she possessed, sat on Adora’s lap. Something got to her head, and the confusion that Adora’s looks evoked in her was enough to make her do stupid things.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After all, she couldn’t know if Adora truly loved her. It’d always be a leap of faith, right? She could pretend, for a little while. She repeated these thoughts while she started teasing Adora: caressing her arms, tracing a line on her neck with her nose.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« What are you doing. »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« What do you think? »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« Here? »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« Where else. »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« We’ve got a room. »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« That you refuse to sleep in. »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« We could. Start sleeping together. »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Catra lifted her head to look at her with a bemused expression.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« Not like that. »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« Of course… » She replied defeated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« Well, uhm, if you wanted- I mean, not </span>
  <em>
    <span>just </span>
  </em>
  <span>for that, you know? »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was too honest. And Catra was too childish to think about what that meant. So she got up and left. Confused, bodily and in her mind.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It’s not as if Adora never thought about it. She never </span>
  <em>
    <span>did </span>
  </em>
  <span>it, so her thoughts only got so far. She thought about kissing Catra. Passionately. And she thought about undressing her. But she never thought further than that, because she didn’t structurally know what was beyond that. She could imagine, maybe, but was that how it was done?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And now apparently Catra wanted her to </span>
  <em>
    <span>do </span>
  </em>
  <span>it. Not that Adora didn’t want to. The thing was that Adora thought that her first time she wouldn’t be anxious, at least not performance anxiety. Because now it wasn’t only her first time, it was also a sign, a moment she had to </span>
  <em>
    <span>demonstrate </span>
  </em>
  <span>to Catra that she loved her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And then there was the other thing, the one she had to be original about. What did it mean? Could Catra have been more vague?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adora stood in the garden for several hours, trying to think about how she could do it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>(She felt like at the beginning of the war, when she kept trying to bring Catra on her side and she only got meaner and meaner. </span>
  <em>
    <span>She </span>
  </em>
  <span>should have been the one complaining about not feeling loved. But Adora was positive. After this week the two of them </span>
  <em>
    <span>had </span>
  </em>
  <span>to be alright. Right?)</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>But the time was too little, and a week wasn’t enough. Adora didn’t mean to avoid Catra, but Catra forced Adora to avoid her, pushing her to withdraw in her room, creating a plan of action. She bit the tail of the dragon: she’d come up with a perfect plan. After that Catra couldn’t have any residual doubts about her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>(Catra didn’t, in fact, have heavy doubts about her. She was just being careful. She couldn’t wait to launch herself into Adora’s arms, but she had to make sure she’d land on safe ground.)</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was Sunday afternoon when Adora got everything she needed: the permission, the tools, the accomplices.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But it was a little too late, wasn’t it?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She had to try.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>She called Scorpia, she ran to her and Catra’s shared room, but there were no signs of her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But it had to be perfect. She couldn’t have taken less time.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ugh, why did Catra had to have such high expectations on her?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The next day, right after therapy she’d drag her to the </span>
  <em>
    <span>place</span>
  </em>
  <span>, and do the </span>
  <em>
    <span>thing</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. tell me what you need</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>“Learn each other’s ways of showing affection” was that week’s assignment. Adora was positive she’d nail both this and last week’s task.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The fact that Adora forgot, let’s say, to spend time with Catra led the two of them to end the session very quickly: Catra silent with disappointment and Adora with guilt and excitement.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Perfuma read their silence as embarrassment for what she thought they should have done by now. It was enough for her to not question further and leave the room with as much as a “goodbye”.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>As soon as she left Adora was quick to stop Catra from leaving. « I’m sorry I wasn’t very present last week, » She started.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Catra snorted. « You weren’t at all. Took very seriously our therapy, did you. »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« I did! That’s why. But, uhm, would you go somewhere with me right now? »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« To make up for your loss? »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« To show you what I’ve done this week. »</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>« So, tell me if I read it correctly. You avoid me all week and to apologize you want to brag about what you’ve done? What was it, that was more special than me. »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« Not to brag, I mean, I </span>
  <em>
    <span>did </span>
  </em>
  <span>a pretty good job if you ask me, but that’s not the point- »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« Then what is it, Adora? I’m pretty tired. »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And that made Adora hesitate. If she was tired, was this a good moment? She didn’t want to waste her elaborated gift in a bad mood.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« Well, I can’t tell you yet, but you’ll see in a minute. If you’re not too tired. You need to be, uhm, rested. » And she blushed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Catra looked intrigued. She could put up with it, and see how far she’d go. She doubted anything could happen, but giving Adora a hard time had always been her favorite pastime.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« Alright. Where are you taking me? »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Adora smirked. « You’ll see. »</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Once they got out of the castle Adora made Catra cover her eyes with a cloth for the whole journey, riding Swiftwind. At some point - Catra wasn’t really aware of how much time had passed, holding onto Adora’s back, the smell of her hair in her nostrils - they stopped.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« Can I take this thing off now? »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« Not yet. » </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Catra felt her hand being taken by Adora’s, and gently she was led inside a building.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She didn’t like being blindfolded and dragged around, so she started small-talking to distract herself.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« You know, we’ve failed every single assignment up until now. »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She heard Adora laughing.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« That’s because you’re so stubborn. »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« Excuse me? »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A pause. « It’s my fault too, I guess. »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« But, » Adora resumed, « This is when you see how I show affection and how I fulfill your needs. So we should get better, right? »</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>Catra laughed. « As if it was that easy. »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« Why can’t it be easy? »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« Because. »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« That’s not an answer. »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« How long is it taking? »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« We’re almost there, hold on. »</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>And then, Adora took the cloth from her eyes.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Catra didn’t know what she was expecting, but the observatory was such an </span>
  <em>
    <span>Adora </span>
  </em>
  <span>answer. Almost too logical. She led her to the telescope and said:</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« You asked me to bring you the moon, but well, we have plenty on Etheria apparently. I didn’t know which one you wanted, so I thought I could bring you to them. »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Catra looked at her, as she was scratching her neck, clumsy. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Too </span>
  </em>
  <span>Adora-like.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« Do you like it? »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And yes, Catra did like the gesture, although she didn’t care that much about the moon. But was she going to play it easy? Of course not.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« Well, is it all? »</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>Adora’s cheeks colored a little.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« Don’t you want to look at it first? » She deflected.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Catra thought she could be a little compliant, so she did.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And the sight was amazing. An almost purple sky, with a few planets? Or satellites? Maybe even stars. No, stars aren’t that big. Well, they’re bigger, but we see them smaller, right? Are those really all moons? Catra was rapt.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>After a while, Adora started to fidget. She didn’t want to interrupt Catra, anxious of what was waiting for them, but she also hated standing there, waiting.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« Uhm, do you like it? » She asked, then.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« I do, actually. » And Catra smiled at her. Not smirked, or grinned. Genuinely smiled, and Adora’s chest fluttered.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« So? » Catra asked. Adora was stuck in a contemplative state, that now was shattered to pieces.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She gulped. « Well, you asked for a thoughtful gift. »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« I thought this was the thoughtful gift. »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Adora led the way to a table covered by a white sheet.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« What is it? »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Adora lifted the sheet, to reveal a number of pieces of paper, all scribbled, hanging with clothespins on a twine.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Catra got closer, and took one of them from the clip.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Then she read it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Today Catra told me she respects me, but she doesn’t like it. She thinks I don’t deserve it, and honestly, I think she’s right. I don’t know why the situation is this fucked up, I mean, look at the other couples. Do they have the problems we do?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Another one.</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>“I’m still trying to figure out Catra and I’s differences. It’s been a week, and I only came up with a few. First: she’s really pretty. It’s not a temperamental difference, but as superficial as it sounds, it’s something I’m faced with every time I see her. Then: she always has a quick answer, for everything. This means not only she’s smart, but she also can read people, and she’s got backbone. I feel afraid, sometimes, to fight with her. She always seems to know where it’ll hurt the most. I wish we could just make peace.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Or:</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What are Catra’s needs? How can I cover them? Am I good enough for her? What if with this therapy we find out the problem it’s me, it’s the fact that I don’t know how to be a good partner? If I think about it, what have I done for Catra so far? Not much. I can’t think about a single thing. Does saving her count? She saved me too, though. Is it a competition? She also asked Perfuma to help us. If we get through this, it’ll be thanks to her, not me. What do I do for Catra?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And so on. For every week there were at least five to ten little paragraphs, tore apart on one side, as if taken from a book.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« I don’t know if it’s original and thoughtful, but I think it’s useful. To let you know what I think about... you, and us. »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Catra was, well. She was touched. The telescope thing wasn’t half emotional as this, but she’s never been a space person, so.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She could reward Adora a little. After all, she really really liked it, and Catra on her behalf had done nothing back.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>So she put the piece of paper down, and walked closer to Adora, seeing her shifting on her feet.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She put her hands around her neck, and gently kissed her. One single tender kiss, before telling her: « I do like it. Thank you. »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Even if this was an elaborated plan on Adora’s side to gain her favor, Catra knew Adora wasn’t that well of an Actress, and this level of anxiety wasn’t enough, if the only thing at stake was just a silly plan. It had to mean something.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Adora smiled. Then reality hit her, and her uneasiness was readable all over her face.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Catra could guess what it was about. Still grateful for the gift, she tried to lift Adora from this responsibility that apparently was too much for her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« We can go back home, if you’d like. »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And Adora felt something, hearing Catra say “home”.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« Like, our room? »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>That’s what she hoped for, but she couldn’t force her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« Or you can go to yours, if you’d rather. »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Adora understood what Catra was doing.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>There was another white sheet, behind their backs, covering a bed she prepared for the night. She really wanted to run away, even if it meant she wouldn’t get to finish her gift. But why was she so anxious?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« Adora? » Catra asked, hands still around her neck.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« Yes. »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« Yes, what? »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« We could… I mean, do you want to? Are you tired? You told me you were tired, in the garden- »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« I’m not that tired. You woke me up, actually. I slept a little coming here, blindfolded and all. » That was a lie, but it made Adora laugh a little.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« We could cuddle, if you wanted to. »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And Adora nodded. Catra started to walk to the door, guessing she meant cuddle in their room, but Adora took her wrist.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« Uhm, wait, actually, »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« Yes? »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« We could do it here. »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Catra looked around.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« On the table? »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Adora laughed, nervous. « No, well, I prepared a bed, you know, because of your third… » And as she spoke she lifted the last sheet.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« My third? » Catra prompted.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« Need. »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« So what, you want to cuddle on your fuckbed? »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« Uhm, that was the plan. Unless, you don’t want to cuddle. »</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>« Adora, the more you talk about it the less appealing it sounds. »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« Sorry. »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« Don't be. » And she walked up to the bed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They were standing up, facing each other, near the makeshift bed (composed of a mattress, no pillows, a sheet).</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Adora gulped.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Catra thought she could do the first move. After all she had a reputation, kind of, back in the Horde, after Adora left.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She knew how to seduce. Which buttons she had to push.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>So her tail rubbed against Adora’s leg, then her abdomen, then her shoulder, her arm, as she spoke, or rather, she whispered, right in Adora’s ear, « Tell me what you need. »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Voice hoarse, that sent shivers down Adora’s spine and made her mouth water. How could she reply? She was still, like a block of concrete.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Catra thought she just needed a little push. So she started kissing her ear, biting it a little, licking just enough, then tracing a path up her jaw, then her neck, moving her hands on her upper chest, then her collarbone.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Catra sensed that more than touching, what got to Adora was hearing, so she kept whispering to her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« I can lead, don’t be uptight. »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And she pushed down on Adora’s shoulder, to make her sit. Then she sat on her lap, tail swinging behind her in excitement.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She wasn’t reading Adora’s signals back, except for her fast heartbeat, her dilated pupils, her short breath, and how she kept her lips parted. She was excited, Catra could tell, but it seemed as if she was putting resistance.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« Why are you so worried? » Catra asked, still whispering, almost purring.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« Because, » And Adora thought about it, as hard as it was, with Catra treating her </span>
  <em>
    <span>so good</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Why was she so worried? Was it because it was her first time? Well, there was that time with that girl from the Crimson Waste, but they didn’t- not really, they just- but, well, it was a weird feeling-</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« Adora? » Catra saw how her pupils kept moving around, looking at everything, caught up in her own mind.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« I guess I want to do well. »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« Is that so? »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>That was the short answer. The long answer was that even that almost-first time with that girl, and that other experimental little thing with glimmer, and her fantasies, and everything Adora had somewhat experienced in this field, never really got to a conclusion because of Catra.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Because images of Catra from the Fright Zone kept popping up in Adora’s mind, while “being” - although not really - with other girls, and so she stopped every time. It felt wrong to them, to herself, and to Catra.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>(Catra, on the other hand, used it as a coping mechanism, a distraction, not really caring whether it was right or wrong, even when the wrong name slipped through her sealed lips.)</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>So now that Catra was in front of her - sitting on her -, Adora regretted refusing any kind of training, any kind of experience. Now that she wanted to do it, she felt as if she was the worst she could be, the clumsier, the most hesitating. She wished she was like in her fantasies, when she took Catra and pinned her to the wall, or lifted her from the ground, or-</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But not Catra was caressing the back of her hands with her own, waiting, listening to her unspoken words.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« You don’t have to force yourself. It should be natural, not planned, don’t you think? » She spoke quietly, the mood completely shifted.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She agreed, but exactly because she planned it, now Adora wanted to do it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But Catra was sitting on the bed now, dismounting her, not at all in the right mood for fucking, but rather prompting Adora to lay with her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>So she did.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And then Catra held her. And they laid down. And intertwined their legs, and Catra put her arm across Adora’s stomach, drawing patterns, and Adora held Catra’s shoulder, caressing it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They stayed like that as Catra fell asleep, and Adora kept cursing herself.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>This was good, and she felt close to Catra, and she saw she wasn’t indifferent to Catra, physically speaking, even if she did nothing.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <br/>
  <span>But she </span>
  <em>
    <span>failed</span>
  </em>
  <span>, once again.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. boxers, huh</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>After Catra woke up, she sensed by the look on Adora’s face that 1. she hadn’t slept a wink and 2. she was still thinking about </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
  <span>
    <br/>
  </span>
  <span>She suggested they’d come back home since it was late afternoon and they skipped lunch.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The ride back was silent, a comfortable silence on Catra’s part, but an awkward one on Adora: perfectly mirroring the ride before.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Once they got there Catra wanted to spend time with her, like she always did deep down, but now was the first time she felt entitled to. They were still in the “learn each other’s ways of showing affection” week, so she wanted to do something for her, after the precious gift.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They were standing in front of Brightmoon castle’s entrance, which had its doors opened 24/7 since the war ended. So they had no reason to be waiting there. That’s why Catra took Adora’s hand and lead her to their floor.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But, once again, they stopped in front of the crossroad that would bring them to their separated corridors.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Catra understood Adora’s need for space, after what happened that very day, so she didn’t push. She didn’t even say goodnight, just started walking toward where she usually slept.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adora stood still in the crossing, watching her leave. Was it too much too soon to sleep together? To physically lay next to each other, maybe cuddling?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was a weird thought but she didn’t want it to pass as acting: just because they came to an agreement, if it was to be called that way, there wasn’t supposed to be any justification in Catra’s eyes to why she’d be that affectionate, right?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So she did what, in her heart, felt like hurting herself, and turned around.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Both of them slept in deep disappointment.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Adora entered her room, the sun was setting down and she was impossibly awake. She walked around the room, aimlessly. Nothing to do, no one to wake up. Was Glimmer sleeping yet? She probably was spending time with Bow, tough. No need interrupting that for a whim.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She was pretty sure one person could have been in a situation similar to hers. Was it too soon? After all she was the one who turned around, before. Maybe Catra was waiting for her to step up and propose something. Or maybe not. Why was she the one expected to do the first move, after all?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Right when she was making her mind up about not feeding that expectation, she heard a knock on her own door.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A few steps, then she put her hand on the doorknob. « Adora? » The person on the other side asked. Of course it was her, screwing her castles in the sky, making the first move.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« What’s up? » Adora asked, opening just enough to show her face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« I can’t sleep. » Catra answered, and in Adora’s eyes she looked so small and so vulnerable, and yet she was the one who had the guts to knock on her door.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« Come in. » She just answered, opening a tad more. « What can I do for you? » She asked then, after a moment while Catra took a walk around her room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« Nice place. »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« It’s exactly like yours. »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« Indeed. »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then, silence.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« Maybe the nursery has something to make you sleep. »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Catra turned around. « You want me to go so badly? »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« Never said that. »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« Never offered me to stay, either. »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« Do you want to stay here, for the night? »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« What do you think. »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« With that attitude you have the nerve to ask for a favor. »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Catra look in search of words, as if she couldn’t find a satisfying comeback.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« What attitude would you like me to have? » She then answered, and the mood shifted completely, as she started walking towards Adora.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« Uhm, what kind of question is that. »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« A question you’re avoiding. »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She walked around Adora, taking slow steps, as her tail followed her, caressing Adora’s arms, then her back, then her neck.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adora was having a hard time thinking properly, forming her thoughts, trying to analyze why she was suddenly acting like that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« Why so </span>
  <em>
    <span>stiff</span>
  </em>
  <span>. » Catra purred, and walked toward Adora’s bedroom.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« I kept asking myself, » She reprised, « Why did you feel so pressured, this afternoon. And what can I do about it. » And Adora saw right through her, in a moment of lucidity, how behind that persuading act, Catra was trying to make up for something.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So she chose to reassure her: « You did just good. »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And yet, the answer she received was unexpected: « You can’t avoid intimacy forever. » Said in a very resolute way, all the acting slipped away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« Why not. » </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Catra opened her mouth, then she closed it. That was a good question, wasn’t it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« Is it something you don’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>want </span>
  </em>
  <span>to have? » She asked, sitting on the edge of the bed, as Adora was still like a salt statue in the middle of her room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« No, it’s… it’s not. »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« Then avoiding it is gonna make you miserable. »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« How do you know. »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« Been there. » </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adora’s eyebrows shot up. « Really? » And she walked to sit beside Catra, ready to hear her confession, ready to console her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« Yeah, after… after you left. »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« Would you like to talk about it? »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« There’s not much to say, actually. You left and I was torn between seeking comfort in someone else’s attention, and being, I don’t know, faithful? Or something. »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And Adora couldn’t help but ask: « And what did you… »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And, once again, Catra decided that the serious moment was over, with the sultry question: « Take a guess. » And Adora didn’t know how to feel.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« I mean what I said earlier, » Catra started, as she mounted on her lap, « We don’t have to do anything you don’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>want </span>
  </em>
  <span>to. » And her tail started traveling from Adora’s ankle, to her calf, to her knee, to the side of her thigh, « So, if yours is just performance anxiety, we just need you to relax. » And she finished the sentence with a whisper, close to Adora’s ear.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The latter didn’t know what to do, inexperienced, but her sense of perfectionism and her competitive bend pushed her to her limits.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She tried emulating what happened that very first time, in the Crimson Waste, tried to remember what Glimmer had liked, those occasional times, before switching sides. She got up just enough to get a hold of Catra’s ass, to turn and lay her with her back on the mattress.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She got on top of her, and if Catra’s expression was any clue, she was acting right.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Ears flat, claws retracted, tail swinging behind, and the lowest of the purrs vibrating to fill the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Something about Etheria’s diversity in shapes and morphology had always sparked an interest in Adora, so mediocre in her phenotype.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Seeing how different bodies reacted in the most disparate ways to stimuli fascinated her. And thinking about that calmed her, in her moment of need. Distracting herself from the fact that behind her was laying nothing less than </span>
  <em>
    <span>Catra</span>
  </em>
  <span>, even if it meant thinking about sciency things, was a necessity.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Catra got a hold of herself, noticing some kind of absence in the other’s eyes. « You alright? » She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« Yeah. »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« Scared? »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« ‘m not. »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« What are you waiting for, then? »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« To do… »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Catra got on her elbows, face nearer Adora’s.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« Adora, have you ever had sex before? »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shook her head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Catra’s eyes clouded a little. Maybe that was the reason why she had this anxiety. Not because it was with her, but because it was her first time.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She tried to take it with philosophy, and still feel honored to be chosen as Adora’s first time.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« Are you comfortable with being touched? » She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« Sure. » And, after a bit, « You? »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And the naivety of it all made Catra smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« Yeah. »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« Do you want to stay like this? » Catra asked again, figuring that her role was now one of a teacher, so there was no need to create a certain kind of atmosphere. She needed to talk Adora through it, show her, make it seem easy and fun.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« Uhm, why not. »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« You’re the one who switched. »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« I thought you might like it. »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« Well, what do you like? »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adora thought about it, but really, being this close to Catra was enough already. Plus she didn’t know what it was like either way.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« This is fine. »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Catra rolled her eyes at Adora’s passivity.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« We can explore both ways, if you’re okay with it. »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adora gulped. « Yeah. » Catra seemed so comfortable in her own skin, and made it seem so easy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Catra started kissing Adora’s neck, much like that afternoon, alternating strokes of her pointy teeth on her neck, to licks and sucking. She didn’t mean to leave a hickey, so she stayed only so little and put light pressure between her tongue and the other’s flesh.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>With that little Adora started feeling kind of funny, from the tip of her toes, as if they were tingling, to the bottom of her stomach, similar to when they had to take a test, in the Fright Zone, to between her legs, where she felt a pulsing sensation, something she had to alleviate, and yet, something she longed to wallow in.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>To particular points she emitted little sounds she apparently had no control over, and that was the part she liked the least. It made her feel as if she was losing, and as she distracted from the pure feeling and remember </span>
  <em>
    <span>who </span>
  </em>
  <span>was under her, doing those things to her, extorting those embarrassing and private reactions from her, that only amplified the feeling of agony, both physical and emotional.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She felt subjugated and dependent from Catra and she couldn’t stand it. Especially when the other was taking so long to- to- to do anything, really. What did she want her to do?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« What do you want me to do? » Asked Catra right in that moment, when she felt that the teasing was enough, on the verge of becoming torture, instead of an amplifier of pleasure.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adora gasped a little for air, not feeling able to function properly. The idea that </span>
  <em>
    <span>this </span>
  </em>
  <span>was happening </span>
  <em>
    <span>now </span>
  </em>
  <span>with </span>
  <em>
    <span>Catra </span>
  </em>
  <span>drove her crazy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« Anything. »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Catra chuckled a little, and Adora felt both mortified and 0verwhelmed, from dwelling in a feeling that was only growing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So Catra moved from sucking her neck to biting her lobes, as with her hands she explored her back from under her shirt.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« I’ve always wondered, » Catra started, a tone from which something sweet dripped and felt right into Adora’s ears, and Adora’s mouth, somehow, as if she could </span>
  <em>
    <span>taste </span>
  </em>
  <span>that tone - insatiable.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« How come you’ve always been so muscular, even though we’ve gone through the same training. »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And the compliment didn’t go unnoticed to her, as she felt Catra’s claws extended just enough to scratch a bit Adora’s back. Then she retracted them, and caressed Adora’s shoulders, then her sides, then her stomach.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« That’s because, » She started, and gulped, « You kept skipping training. » Catra snorted and Adora felt so proud, that she wanted to tease her again, and again, and again-</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then, from her stomach, Catra slipped a finger right under the underwear band.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« Boxers huh. »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adora’s cheeks got a little pinker at that. They were more comfortable than standard panties, so what was wrong with that. And yet, Catra always knew how to make her feel out in the open for no reason.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The slightly cold temperature of Catra’s finger brought another kind of sensation, one that sent shivers behind her back and along her legs.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« Can I? » She asked. Adora had no idea what she was going to feel, as she anticipated the motion thrusting against Catra’s hand, as a reflex.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« ‘m sorry. » She said, a little breathless, her hair falling on one side, while the other was clear near Catra’s face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« Don’t be. » She just answered, placing a light kiss on Adora’s cheek, as she slipped that finger inside her, and Adora’s forehead hit the mattress.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« oh god- » </span>
</p><p>
  <span>« Does it feel good? »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She just nodded, as the very little relief she felt from such little contact had a bittersweet taste in her mouth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Catra extracted the finger so very slowly, and entered once more. Adora almost couldn’t feel it, as lubricated as she was, and her hips escaped her control as she started mounting Catra’s hand.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Catra resumed kissing and sucking Adora’s jaw, the other hand holding on Adora’s back, as she rubbed against Adora’s walls.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She was all over her, and Catra didn’t want to be anywhere but there, taking care of a messy blonde girl that she dreamt so many times.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« Is this okay? » </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adora nodded, afraid to make the light contact stop, and yet not really knowing how to formulate wanting more.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« Do you want me to change anything? » Catra kept asking, sensing that Adora’s movements were trying to second a need, more than a feeling.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« uh- yeah. »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So Catra kept the finger inside, deep to the knuckle, as she moved the phalange against the frontal wall, opposite to her clit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adora responded to the tangle of nerves’ stimulation, arching her back, as her hands went from fists to holding the sheets.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« Is this good? »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And Adora opened her mouth to answer, but a rub made her moan instead.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Catra observed her: corrugated eyebrows and clenched teeth, as if she was striving.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« Is everything okay? » Catra asked, as her hold on Adora’s back became rubbing circular movements behind the fabric.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« yeah, » She just answered. Having her forehead pressed against the bed, Adora was keeping her eyes closed, and her puffs of breath collided against Catra’s face, just below her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« Are you sure? Do you want to switch? »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« uhm, it’s fine. »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>So to that Catra added a second finger, and saw the change in Adora’s expression: her mouth opened, out of stupor, and her face relaxed, out of relief. So she worked in similar movements as before, faster than before, putting more pressure than before, as with her palm she occasionally struck her clit too.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adora felt bad for not being much of company, for tiring Catra out, for having those embarrassing reactions. Part of her wanted to stop, or to change something, to reciprocate, to say </span>
  <em>
    <span>anything</span>
  </em>
  <span>, while the other part  - the selfish one - was afraid that if something happened, she might lose this feeling, she might make Catra stop.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« you’re, uhm, you’re- quite good » She chose to say, neutral and casual, except that situation was anything but that.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Catra laughed. « I can tell. If I’m “quite good” and you're having this reaction, I wonder what happens when someone is </span>
  <em>
    <span>very good</span>
  </em>
  <span>. »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And Adora half smiled, half smirked, mouth still open, and cracking an eye open, just to check. And the vision of Catra, beside and below her, little droplets of sweat forming on her forehead, a little out of breath too, legs open as one of her own was just between them, a thread of separation. So Adora wondered that if Catra was feeling just a tenth of what she was feeling in that moment, she might as well help her out. With that in mind she moved her tight forward, putting pressure against Catra’s genitals, keeping eye contact. Catra forced her own eyes to stay open, as she bit her lip, working her hand faster, making a third finger slip inside. And the moan that followed it only drove Catra to look for more friction.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adora didn’t know precisely what happened, but she felt as if something slipped out of her, as if something left her, and her whole body seconded that, in a moment of white pleasure. Then quakes followed, and she jolted, and she fell from her elbows and her knees gave up below her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Breathing hard, not knowing why it stopped, she opened her eyes to find Catra looking at her, with an open expression.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« What happened. » She asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« You just came. » Catra answered, slipping her fingers out very slowly, as little shakes followed the movement.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A moment of silence fell. « If you give me a moment, » Adora started.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« It’s not a duty. »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« Well, I want to. »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« You must be tired. »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« That never stopped me. »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>With that, Adora got halfway up, on her knees between Catra’s leg, as she was still laying down.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« Besides, you said we could explore. »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Catra smiled. « For you to lose your nerve, not to prove anything. »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« I’m not. »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« You sure? »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« Pretty much. »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« If you say so. »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A beat of silence happened, where the two looked at each other.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It felt as if a stranger was in front of them, maybe because of the cordiality of their exchange after a moment of such intimacy, or maybe because of the physical distance.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The thing is, when Adora finally gathered the courage to lower herself down and start kissing Catra’s neck, before she could fully taste how much she liked that kind of power, that kind of freedom to touch someone - and </span>
  <em>
    <span>Catra</span>
  </em>
  <span>, above all - like that, the other squirmed a little away.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« I don’t really feel like it. »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adora got up. « Really? »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« Yeah. »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« Oh. » And she didn’t know what to say.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« Do you want to- »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« Maybe it’s best if I- »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They talked over the other, and tried to make it up with: « You go first. » « No, please, talk. »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Adora sighed. « We can just sleep if you want. Cuddle like we used to, maybe. »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Catra emitted something between a snort and a sigh.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« This was a mistake. » She said under her breath, just loud enough for Adora to pick up, even if it wasn’t intended to.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« I’m going to my room. »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« Wait. »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« Goodnight. »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« Catra! »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The door was closed behind her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Catra thought she could play teacher with Adora, and that was even one of her fantasies, but her loud loud feelings always had to get in the way, huh.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As long as she focused on making Adora feel good she could handle herself: the sight was distracting enough, and the concept was kind of an outlet for her feelings to be manifested. When the role started to getting reversed she felt like a puppet for Adora to practice on, and it made her feel awful. She wanted to be worshipped by Adora, by the one who has always been worshipped by anyone else, by the most valuable person in her life - by the one, she hated to admin, her very self kept worshipping despite her attitude.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That night she slept with images of Adora coming, her expressions, her shivering, touching herself - while Adora felt impossibly empty, in need of affection, as if that night had brought more damage than good. As if that night felt like the very first one after she left the Fright Zone.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>That Monday Perfuma greeted them with an apparently easy task.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« You need to take time for the two of you. Spending time physically together isn’t the only way to build your relationship but it sure is the strongest and quickest. Letters, videos, poems, gifts in general seem like great steps in making the relationship progress, but actually what they do is make the “giver” take conscience of their feelings explicitly and letting the “receiver” being aware of it. The actual progress is made in the time taken to trade those gifts, and this fact alone explains the priority of pure proximity over great gestures. »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Catra’s ear twitched at the double alliteration.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>They were sitting quite stiff, as if something happened, but again, when did something not happen between those two? Perfuma sensed that someone wasn’t committing to their therapy.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A silence full of expectation filled the room.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« Is that it? » Asked Adora.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« Yes. »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Another silence, where Perfuma felt obliged to suggest some past times: « You could anticipate next week’s task, perhaps, and create some common grounds. Things both of you are passionate about. Teach each other things you like doing. »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The two of them looked at each other, and Catra swore they both thought of the same thing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« I don’t know, find some games to play together? Books to read together, creative activities to do… »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She smiled, stood up and left.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>« We could- » Adora started.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« We can just work something to write out, no need to actually do all that stuff. »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« Why not? It’ll be fun. » Carta stood up.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« Wait Catra. Did I do something wrong yesterday? »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« You were just fine. »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« Then what’s the problem? »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Catra, with her back towards Adora and walking to the door, just answered: « The problem is that not everything revolves around you. I don’t have time for your little games. »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« Why, what do you have to do? »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« Not your business. »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« The war is over. We’re building cities from scratch </span>
  <em>
    <span>because </span>
  </em>
  <span>there is nothing left to do. »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« Just leave me alone. »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« Let’s make a deal. » Catra sighed, and turned just enough to look at Adora.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« If you can beat me, then I’ll leave you alone. If not, we’ll meet every day twice a day to make an activity of my choice. »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« Beat you</span>
  <em>
    <span> at what</span>
  </em>
  <span>? »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« You choose. »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« Confident much huh. »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« So? »</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Catra smirked. She had issues with Adora, and she couldn’t believe for more than two seconds that Adora cared for her, was into her, was affectionate towards her, was attracted to her- Not a tenth of how she felt towards Adora. But one thing was sure, she couldn’t waste an opportunity to prove Adora she was better than her, </span>
  <em>
    <span>at anything</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>« Meet me tonight at 9, sparring room. »</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I'm sorry it took me forever to update, I just forgot this fic somewhere and just recently revisited it. I hope this chapter keeps the style of the previous ones, since so much time has passed. :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. don't tell me u actually had fun</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Catra didn’t know what she was expecting. She had been avoiding Adora the whole week, and now, during therapy, it felt bittersweet seeing her again. Especially after what happened last Monday night, in Adora’s bedroom.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She seriously needed to stop thinking about it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She felt as if they kept making the same mistakes, walking in circles. Here it was Adora avoiding her, and there it was her turn. Was there even an underlying problem that, when solved, would let them be? She hoped so, or their relationship was doomed.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She entered the sparring room and found Adora already there, pacing, that suddenly turned towards her and looked relieved.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« I thought you might bail me. » </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« I’m literally one minute late, stop being so dramatic. »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Adora looked like a child, waiting for their Christmas present.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« So? »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« So what? »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« Have you thought about what to compete about? »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« Why did I think I told you to come here? Play chess? »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« So, you want to, like, fight? »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Catra sighed. « You really are smart. »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Before Adora could ask further, since, well, she was stronger than Catra, she felt a punch against her jaw.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« Wha- you didn’t say it was started! »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« You’ve always been quite slow, Adora. »</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Two hours later, both of them laying on the mat, Adora pointed out: « We didn’t say how we’d score points. »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Catra laughed in a breathy manner, out of exhaustion: « Yeah, we should have done that. »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« So, a rematch? »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« ‘m too tired for that. I’m gonna shower. » But she didn’t move.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Adora turned a bit red, « Uhm… »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« What? »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« Can I join you? »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>At that, Catra bursted out laughing, « No way. Why did you even ask. »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« We used to shower together! »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« Yeah, when we were two kids in the Horde, dummy. »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« Then what? »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« Then we were kids? »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« We weren’t that young. »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« What are you trying to tell me. »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« Nothing, just, we weren’t that young. »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« Are you trying to say that showering together now would be the same as before? »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« Maybe? It depends on how you experienced it before. »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Catra was silent for a beat, mouth agape, « What- wait, how did you experience it? »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« No particular way. »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Catra sighed, « You’re wasting my time. See you later. »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« Wait, Catra. »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Catra stopped, now standing up, waiting for what Adora was going to say.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« After you shower we could play chess. »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Confusion displayed on Catra’s features, « Playing this late? Why? »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« Well, for our bet. »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« Oh. Well, if I won’t be too tired, sure. » She just said, shrugging.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As she was leaving, she said from above her shoulder, « You need to shower too, you know. »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Adora took the bait to tease her one last time: « If you only invited me… »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But Catra slammed playfully the door behind her.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>With her forehead on the wall, water falling on her head, Catra was lost in her thoughts. What was she doing? She finally could have the woman she had longed for. She was wanted by her. What was stopping her? Adora’s drama had infected her. She didn’t need to lose a game to put some effort in the only relationship she cared about.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>So, when Adora knocked on her door, a quarter hour later, asking her to play, she followed her in the main room downstairs, lighting up a candle, losing track of time until the sun started to light up the room.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Perfuma, being the morning person she was, walked through that corridor, finding the door open and her two patients sleeping together on the carpet.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She smiled to herself, closing the door.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The next day Catra dragged Adora with her to help Scorpia water the plants.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« Why did you choose that activity? It’s the most boring thing you’ll ever do in your life. »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« Have you even tried it? »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« I don’t need to try it! You literally stay </span>
  <em>
    <span>still</span>
  </em>
  <span>, for hours. »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« That’s a problem you have right there, you know. Hyperactivity. We can see a specialist if you’d like- »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« I need no specialist, I need to do something else! »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Scorpia, handing them two watering cans, interjected: « It can be fun Adora! Think of the plants as little people, who can’t move or speak. »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« So, objects? »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« Don’t be insensitive. » Catra reproached her with a smile.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Adora, not even five minutes later, found herself watering Catra’s tail to see her reaction. Then a splashing party started.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>« Why aren’t we eating with everyone else? » It was Catra, this time, who asked.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Adora smiled fully, in her blue suit, « Because it’s a double date! »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Since it was a surprise, Catra ended up being underdressed and uncomfortable. But making fun of Glimmer kept her distracted, and she even ended up making conversation with Bow.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>After the dinner, Adora and Catra walked together through the halls, Catra keeping her hand on Adora’s bicep.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« You’re friends aren’t that unpleasant. »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« Don’t tell me you actually had fun. »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« I won’t tell you, then. » </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>That night they slept together, cuddling, for the first time.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The next Monday Perfuma greeted them with a smile.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« What’s happening? » Adora asked, head slowly turning to Catra to ask for an explanation, to which she only shrugged.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« Our journey has come to an end. »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« Aren’t two weeks still left? » Catra asked.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« They’re superfluous, now. Next week’s task was going to be on the importance of sex in a relationship, and how it can become a tool to make peace, to communicate, and so on, but the only task I could give you related to that would be quite an intimate one.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The week after that was going to be the closing week, the one where we were going to go through what you wrote down during these two months, and if you still felt like the first time you came to me. »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« So, is that what we’re gonna do now? » Adora asked.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>« I'm going to answer that question you made me two months ago. Building a relationship isn’t like it’s shown in most movies. It takes time and patience and effort. It won’t blossom overnight, it’s not just about </span>
  <em>
    <span>feeling</span>
  </em>
  <span> in love. Two people who can love each other can destroy their own relationship, underestimating what it takes to maintain it. Now that you have some simple rules to help you, remember not to always rely on your feelings of being in love, because loving someone is very different from just what you’re feeling. It’s more like a perpetual action. A daily ritual. A sacred offering you’re doing, a faith jump, something yesterday on the beach you thought you’d always be doing and now in the rain are doubting. Keep faith in the past, keep faith in what you have built and are going to keep building. If you’re in love with each other, it’s not enough, but it can only get better if you’re committed to one another. I’ve seen the two of you. As different as you are, what bonds you is too strong for me to let you destroy it before it can flourish. That’s why I helped you. »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« So, what’s our assignment for this week? »</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>« I’m not giving you a last assignment. I think you no longer need them. »</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>it feels rushed, i know, but i've lost interest in this fic months ago, so ending it was the best option for everybody :)))</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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